Masculinity and Mental Health

While M&M’s may hold the title of one of the finest sugary treats ever made, today we shall go beyond sugary delights to explore a topic of deeper intrigue: masculinity and mental health. This concept consists of the essence of the male experience—the qualities, traits, and characteristics that define what it means to be manly. In recent years, some movie directors have used this term literally. This had eventually led the popular actors knowingly or unknowingly sending the wrong message to the current and younger generations. What would they say if we create a “safe space’’ right here for all of these characters to vent out their true feelings? Would it create an  “alternate universe” , where the only things that matter are what we feel, not what others think we should feel, especially men?

These imaginary ‘Group therapy’ monologues from your favourite movie characters are dedicated to all the men out there who struggle, maybe consciously or unconsciously, all because of internal and external pressures.

Kabir Singh’s Monologue (from Kabir Singh)

“As I stand before you, I could sense a lot of confusion on many faces. You might be wondering why someone like me—a self-proclaimed macho man—has come for therapy. Well, let me tell you, being very “macho” and “masculine” comes with its downsides. Many of you know that I lost my girlfriend, my only partner. In the wake of that loss, I often expressed anger toward everyone around me because I felt entitled to do so.  

There were countless days when I wanted to cry as I watched my life, my partner and my career slip away. Yet, everyone around me insisted that I should “be a man” and not show tears. (Kabir's voice grows louder, tears streaming down his face.) Back then, alcohol was my only escape, numbing everything I felt but couldn’t express. I now realise that though my feelings and emotions are valid, the way I reacted to them was incorrect. I’m grateful I sought the help I needed. Thank you, everyone. For the first time, it feels good to share my story without having to pretend.”

Deepak’s Monologue (from Laapata Ladies)

“Well, hello everyone. Most of you must be wondering why I, Deepak—considered to be the perfect partner—am here to share my story in a group therapy session. When I married my wife, Phool, it felt like something out of this world. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. But, as they say, not everything in life goes our way. Long story short, when my wife went missing, many people around me advised me to give up, move on, and even marry someone else. 

But that was never an option for me. The society I lived in always taught me that when a man is in love, it’s considered a sign of weakness, not strength. I never quite fit in with these societal expectations. However, my friends stood by me, especially on the day I was reunited with my wife. I cried my heart out, which shocked many people around me because, after all, “men are not supposed to cry.” I can resonate with what Kabir mentioned earlier about “the pent-up feelings.” For him, those feelings manifested as anger; for me, they came out in tears. While one expression is accepted, the other is looked down upon.”

Faruq’s Monologue (from Class)

“As Deepak pointed out, ‘when a man is in love, he is considered weak.’ But it’s much worse when you belong to the queer community in India. Now, don’t get me wrong—many people are trying to adapt and become more accepting, but there’s still a lot of homophobia out there. This thought has haunted me since I came out of the closet.

I never felt like myself when I was with my family, even though I love them dearly. My own uncle was queer, and he faced immense shame for it. Witnessing his struggles firsthand was horrifying; it left a mark on my heart. I remember the whispered judgments that were being passed, the looks of disdain on the people of the LGBTQ+I community.  Even though it broke me when I was forced to leave my lover, I wore a brave smile, trying to convince myself that everything would be okay. That moment of separation was heart-breaking ; it felt like I was losing a piece of myself.

However, there’s one last thought that I wanted to highlight is that even though I identify as queer, I often struggled with fitting into the ‘outgoing queer community.’ That disconnect has made me question my decision to come out at times. I’ve grappled with the idea of whether I truly belong, which has only added to my internal conflict. But let me be clear: this is just me fighting my inner thoughts. I have immense respect for the community and the diversity within it. I’m not trying to be offensive; rather, I’m expressing my journey of self-discovery and acceptance. It’s a work in progress, and I hope that by sharing this, I can connect with others who may feel the same way.”

Will these monologues move from the alternate universe into reality? Can it teach other men that “It’s okay to express your masculinity, but when it crosses your mental threshold, recognize when to seek help”?

Men’s feelings are valid, vulnerability can be strength. Please remember, prioritising mental well-being leads to a more fulfilling life!