Swipe Right, Stress Left: Relationships in Gen-Z Era
A few years ago, when one girl started college, she found herself with newfound freedom, financial resources, a cool university, friends, and, most importantly at that time, the urge and freedom to use popular dating apps like Bumble and Hinge. What began as a simple “social experiment” (she just wanted to understand the hype surrounding dating apps) quickly turned into an “online dating obsession.” She enjoyed the attention she received from guys and frequently went on cute dates with some of them. However, she often questioned whether she should label these experiences as “love,” a “situationship,” “benching,” or even “I-don’t-want-to-label-us” relationships.
As a Gen-Z myself, I find these terms both intriguing and haunting. We are social beings, and forming connections with others is a fundamental need. When our relationships are defined by these labels, it's worth considering how much this influences our brain function. Personally, I am someone who “loves love” and have been a hopeless romantic for as long as I can remember. Yet, one question continually runs through my mind: “Why do I want to fall in love right now?” My relationship with Google in regards to that is a love-hate one, so I end up searching for answers. Here are some of my findings.
But before we dive into that, I want to clarify two important points:
First, I'm not criticizing or targeting anyone in the types of relationships mentioned above.
Second, I genuinely hope that we all fall in love—with others, and most importantly, with ourselves.
So picture this scenario, “you just got into your first relationship, but it seems like your partner is full of themselves (and no, we cannot label them to have “narcissistic personality disorder’’ without a proper diagnosis). Maybe in the honeymoon phase, the relationship would last, but imagine the poor damage that you would be doing to yourself and your internal personality. There would be “poor communication’’ initially which would affect you, in a way wherein you “might even have emotional distance’’ in your next relationship. Apart from that, “they would most of the time gaslight your problems’’ and make you feel as if you are guilty of something that you never did. Although these might seem meagre issues in any relationship, these could deeply affect an individual's future relationships.
So, “delulu is the new solulu,” right? For those who don’t get the reference, it means that (being delusional is the new solution). As cliche as that may sound, imagine someone using this in a relationship context. I completely understand that you might want at least one proper romantic date before you age and well, experience teenage love in general. Trust me, girl, I can relate—I often make up fake scenarios in my head to help me fall asleep (the struggle is real). This however in the dating scenario can look like “seeing someone with delusional glasses’’ instead of “rose-eyed glasses”. In the former, everything is perceived as delusional yet perfect. In the latter, while it may also seem similar, there is a heightened sense of anti-reality. In both cases, individuals enter the relationship with preconceived notions about their partner, along with unrealistic beliefs and expectations. This mindset can lead to challenges in facing reality and may be a root cause of "abandonment issues" and a "fear of being left alone." When everything seems "perfect" and "unrealistic," the harshness of reality can hit hard, resulting in significant difficulties in the future.
This is my personal favorite—because I've been there and done that! So, Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ultimate "situationship" era. Also known as the "trial and error" phase or "low-commitment" phase. It's somewhat like watching a trailer before viewing the actual movie, or even like pre-gaming (or should I say, pre-dating) before entering a real relationship. The only rules we follow here are as follows:
1. We go on dates, but we don’t make anything official until the right time.
2. We can act like a couple, but not necessarily in a committed way.
3. If needed, we can always break out of this situation because, you know, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
These kinds of relationships can either amaze some people or feel perfectly natural to others. However, they often come with emotional baggage that can impact our mental health. Starting a relationship filled with uncertainty can seriously harm an individual’s self-esteem and lead to anxiety regarding attachments. The fear of being left alone can lead individuals to seek attention from others to fill the emotional void within themselves. Additionally, this fear may contribute to "trust issues." In such relationships, one may struggle to fully commit to the other person, often feeling uncertain and wondering if their partner is also communicating with others. When a relationship like this comes to an end, feelings of “self-doubt and diminished self-worth” often emerge. This can lead to a cycle of “overthinking,” prompting questions like, “Was I not good enough?” or “What’s wrong with me?”
But you know as they say, “Love is love”, no matter how it arrives or departs, right? However, as humans, we need to take a moment to reflect on what it truly means to commit to someone. I understand that in this fast-paced world, love might feel like a low priority right now for some/most of us. But let’s consider putting down our guards for a moment. Who knows? The next time you meet someone, a genuine connection might actually develop. But until then, let’s just wait (I know it can be irritating at times) but hey, I got you with a list of cute rom-com movies to binge alone (for a while), and lastly, don’t forget to love yourself as much as you would love your future partner you lovely human bean.
List of very cute and very demure movies to watch:
Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham.
(All Christmas movies).
500 days of summer.
DDLJ.
And I would love to go ahead with the list (but the word limit is done, so see you all lovely human beans in the next blog).
