Sitting With ‘Not Yet’ in Therapy
Change is rarely a smooth road!
What happens when a client lingers in the in-between, not quite ready to leap forward or let go? These questions swirl around us, sparking curiosity… or is it anxiety! For now, let's step into that uncertainty together and see where it takes us. Sitting with uncertainty can feel scary, but what if it is quietly supporting your client? As therapists, we often carry the weight of expectation on our shoulders, don't we? I feel that too.
My Counselling Psychology professor often reminds us,
Humans are wired to solve other people’s problems, but not their own.
I have always found that to be true! Through the eyes of a therapist, that’s our mission, isn’t it? But then, a client arrives who simply does not want to change… at least, not yet. What is a therapist supposed to do at that moment? The uncertainty can feel unsettling for both therapist and client. If change is not happening, what is the purpose of therapy?
So this one’s for all the therapists to be mindful with such clients, and vow you can possibly work with them:
Don’t rush into it, instead validate them
When a client shuts down or doesn’t want to change yet because of whatever reason, then try the following.
Step 1: Listen to them,
Step 2: Ask them how they want to move ahead with it.
Step 3: Validate them by saying… “I hear you, and I am here to support you, but I would also like to understand how you would like to take it forward from here”.
2. Ditch questioning, for a gentler approach
Use approaches like motivational interviewing. While often used with clients facing addiction, this method can help anyone hesitant about change. For instance, you might ask, "What part of this change feels most intimidating to you?" or say, "I am not here to pressure you, but I would like to understand how you might feel if things remain the same a year from now."
3. Psycho-educate your clients
Sometimes, all a client needs is a therapist who can truly listen…empathetically… without pushing them toward decisions, especially around “change.” If the client just wants to talk and not change. And if that's what they are here for, bring that to their attention, acknowledge it and then gently educate them that therapy can be more than that.
4. Change your approach
No one approach fits all. The interventions you’re trained in may not always work for every client, and that can sometimes leave them feeling stuck in therapy. This is never a failure on your part as a therapist. Sometimes, the most ethical and supportive step is to refer the client to another professional whose style, pace, or approach may align better with their needs.
Ending this blog post with a gentle reminder: as therapists, you don’t have to have everything figured out for your clients. And for clients…it's completely okay to feel overwhelmed by the idea of change. Growth doesn’t need perfection, just honesty and space. With that, I’ll see you all next week with brand-new content. Until then, take care, you lovely human beans.
