Your client has feelings for you… now what?
Here’s a surprising tidbit you might not have heard.
“Therapists are actually allowed to date former clients, but only after two years have passed since ending their professional relationship”
This isn’t just a rumor; it’s an official guideline from the American Counseling Association. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I shared this fact not just to grab your attention, but to get you thinking as a future or current therapist.
So, how should we handle them? Unlike other relationships or emotions, the dynamic with a client is unique and requires special care.
Picture this scene … You are a therapist with 3 years of experience, and here comes a client who is currently facing some issues with their partner, along with some workload stress. And as the therapy session goes by, you, as their therapist, starts to notice "transference" in the client. Here, they start showing subtle hints on how they think that you “start to understand them,” and they, as expected, are attracted towards you. Now that’s a tough situation to be in… what to do now ?
Here’s some ways that you can handle it!
1 Normalize it
Yes, you heard that correctly. Sitting across from you is not just a client, but a person who may simply crave understanding. It is entirely natural for them to feel drawn to you. When they share these feelings, do your best to stay calm and treat the moment as normal. If things become overwhelming,gently remind your client that their emotions are valid, but as their therapist, you cannot reciprocate.
2 Gently reframe their feelings
This can be one of the most complicated situations for both client and therapist. Now your client has expressed their feelings toward you, and despite your efforts to reassure and explore them, the sessions aren’t moving forward as expected. As a therapist, you address the issue directly and explore where these feelings may stem from … such as attachment patterns, parenting styles, or self-esteem issues. Once both of you understand the root causes, the sessions can move in a more meaningful direction.
3 Include these terms in your consent form
When we were asked to create our own consent forms in class, I had included only the basics. If I were to do it again today, I’d add a section acknowledging transference. I’d mention that if a client experiences strong emotional or romantic feelings toward me as their therapist, these feelings can be safely discussed in therapy. After all, a true safe space allows clients to express every part of what they feel… without judgment.
4 Refer them to an another therapist
I completely understand that this point might seem slightly contradictory to what I mentioned earlier. But as therapists, we must also consider our own safety and well-being. When a client’s transference begins to hinder their progress, it can become difficult to maintain the professional relationship. In such cases, referring the client to another therapist should be a last resort — only after other approaches have been tried — because, ultimately, we never want to compromise the client’s goals or growth.
With this, we come to the end of today’s blog post. As always, I hope you’ve found some meaningful takeaways from this one too! Until next time, take care!
References:
