Your first difficult client: A survival guide

Before we get into the blog, I am not here to label a “difficult client” as a negative individual, nor an “easy client”as a positive one. Every client who walks into your room is simply another human being…some carrying baggage, some seeking answers, some searching for clarity, and some simply wanting to be heard. But then come those clients who were either forced into therapy, or those who want to attend therapy but still show resistance. And even this resistance can hold a lot of meaning behind it…something we, as trainee or practicing therapists, often try our best to understand. Not everyone may feel comfortable enough to immediately open up about why they are in therapy, and while we hope they eventually will, what can we do in the present moment as therapists? We cannot force them. We may feel frustrated, doubtful, or even consider referring them to someone else…all of which are completely valid feelings, because we are human too. But while navigating these emotions, you can also follow this little “survival guide.”Save this blog or note down whichever pointers resonate with you, and feel free to revisit them whenever needed.

Here’s what your carefully curated survival guide consists of:

1. Have a Mindset shift:
   

   Remember how, in Aaron Beck’s CBT theory, one of our goals as therapists is to identify and challenge negative thought patterns? The next time you apply that approach with a client, try applying it to yourself too. You are not responsible for being the “perfect therapist” all the time. You are human, you will make mistakes, and you are still trying your best. So if a client feels resistant towards therapy or the techniques you are using, remember that it may reflect their personal perspective towards therapy …not your worth as a therapist. Sometimes, we may not have all the answers for our clients, but we can still offer them something valuable: a space where they feel heard.

2.Step up with creative approaches:

Your studying or education should not stop just because you start working, right? Especially for us as therapists, because there’s always a new intervention, updated research, or some new regulation popping up every other day (totally not referring to the RCI guidelines 👀). So let’s call this the “prevention is better than cure” method. At the end of the day, if you want to stand out as a therapist in today’s time, constantly learning creative and out-of-the-box interventions can truly help. And when these approaches are used with challenging clients, it may not even feel like “therapy” to them anymore, but rather a creative experience they are actively part of .

3. Set clear goals:

While therapy often teaches us how to “unravel and understand” a client’s problems from their deep-rooted experiences, we usually do this by exploring their childhood, relationships, and other important parts of their life. But what about those clients who are not ready to go there yet? Here, consent can sometimes feel like a gray area. But as therapists, we can consciously choose how we want to approach such clients…with patience and understanding, rather than pressure. One way to do this is by helping them set clear goals:“Why are they here in therapy?” or “What do they expect from these sessions?” And even if we eventually want to explore their childhood or the more triggering parts of their life, taking consent is a must (a non-negotiable we all know). Along with that, giving them the time and space to open up at their own pace can make all the difference.

4.Validate them:

A little bit of validation and comfort can truly go a long way. Of course, not everyone may receive it the same way…clients included…and that’s completely normal. But sometimes, validating a client’s emotions or even their resistance can help communicate that you, as their therapist, are trying to understand them rather than pushing them to open up before they are ready. It also shows that you are willing to accept their silence as part of the therapy process too. Now yes, this approach can feel incredibly challenging. Showing patience and validation while the client still seems “stuck” can feel frustrating on a very human level. So if you are currently facing this as a therapist…or think you may face it in the future as a trainee…remember to validate yourself too. Remind yourself that you tried your best. And if things no longer seem to move forward, or feel beyond your capabilities, referring them to another trained professional and ending the therapeutic relationship on a good note is completely okay too.

Hoping these tips resonated with most of you…whether you are already working as therapists or are still on your journey to becoming one. As a trainee counsellor myself, I often find myself thinking about situations like these too, especially the ones that may come up in the future. So this is just a small reminder that we are all sailing in the same boat, and you are not alone in figuring all of this out. Let’s navigate the therapy world step by step, day by day. And until the next blog post, take care, you lovely human beans! 🌱.